It Makes Me Wonder....

I had good intentions yesterday. It was a kidless weekend. I wanted to start cleaning out my basement - separate what goes from what stays, pick out the lumber needed to build a raised bed for tomatoes, peppers, herbs and green beans.  What did I do? Slept until 11. Laid in bed, reading, Ebbie curled up by my knees. 

This is Ebbie...

 

I watched a couple of DVDs that I bought a week or so ago, eating fresh radishes with butter (it's not gross - fresh, and I do mean fresh, radishes are not hot and bitter - they are a bit like watercress - peppery and crisp).   I stayed in my pajamas all day.

Finally, I made lazy woman's minestrone (thank you Nigella) and ate it. In bed.  Now, in my defense, I was out late the night before - visiting my best friend and her husband.  It's an hour drive away so I didn't get home until almost 2.  So my day was shot by the time I woke up. I was completely content to sit there with the kitties, reading a book - Water For Elephants - I realize that I'm a year behind in the best seller list, but I hardly ever get to read for pleasure and when I do have time, my brain is so full that reading a magazine takes effort. 

What makes me wonder is, have I learned to appreciate the luxury of doing nothing, or am I just so overwhelmed by life anymore that I need more time to recharge?  I used to pull days like this maybe four times a year.  Now, it seems that I need them at least every other month, if not once a month.  God knows, I need all the time I can get to stay on top of the housework.  Just to stay on top of ADD kid, Autism kid and declining parent is a full time job.  When I stop to think about house, family and work I sometimes feel like someone is forcing my head under water.  You can usually tell my state of being by the condition of my closet and my garage. Right now, you can barely walk through either.

I've been doing this by myself for a loooong time - it's been 10 years - maybe I'm just tired.  I used to do it all and balance a social life.  It's been so long since I've been on a date, I don't think I would remember if there was a way I was supposed to act.  I've discovered that my tact button broke a few years ago.  I used to be much more politically correct in what I thought or said, now, the five second delay is shot.  At my friend's house, their fifteen year old commented that I didn't censor my comments as much as his parents other friends did.  Our subject matter that night ran from how to get a teenager motivated to politics to the sixties to retirement to....... you get the picture.  His words..."It's usually an R rated conversation when Margo is here".   Ooooh boy. It's bad when the 15 year old calls you on it.