Lazy day.....with plans.

Today is laundry day, which means I watch trash TV while I'm folding clothes. I mean REAL trash....E Behind the Story (Snooki), ICE T Loves Coco, and then when I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. I'll need a shower after this.

While waiting for the next load to finish, I've been looking at real estate and decorating ideas. Because besides loving to look at houses that are MUCH more organized than mine, I'm starting to gear myself up for a move. I've lived in my house for 15 years and, even though I made it mine, it was never the house "my house". My ex picked the house based purely on base price - it was a mess. We were in that unenviable position of having to make a fast decision, and talked me into promising me we'd fix it all up. Well, Murphy's Law, we split up less than two years later and I've had to do it on my own. I'm not bitching, I made it work and it more than fit my needs for the years I lived here - it provided a good home for my kids and I was able to take care of my mom here before her passing. But now, it's time to move on. I'll write more about where I'm going next post, right now it's fantasy looking.

My youngest is moving into her senior year of high school, and once she finishes, I want to be ready to go. With this market, I'm not sure when to put it on, but first I have to get serious about paring down and organizing.

I need a wife........

The Help and some help for me.

It's been a long time since I've posted. I'm sure that anyone who ever followed me is long gone now. But, I'm picking up this blog again. For no other reason than, I need the outlet to write as I like - and because I've noticed that many of the blogs I used to love to read have disappeared. I need the written word. To create - I write for a living, but it's forced into very strict guidelines and the real "me" often cannot be seen in it's pages. Besides, it's technical and as much as those who know me might disagree, I'm not really a geek.


Why did I go away? Living sped up even more. Unfortunately, loss was the overriding theme.

In the last two years, I lost my mother after a long illness, was forced from a long time relationship (something I thought was a great loss at the time) and less than a month ago lost my oldest sister. To say I've been spinning like a pinball at the hands of a particularly good player would be putting it mildly. I often thought about writing while all of this was going on, but in reality I was hunkered down. I marked a successful day as one I got through. I wouldn't describe my coping skills as ones to be recommended. I insulated and medicated far more than necessary. I shut out most of my friends and acquaintances. My ability to laugh was sorely compromised. I comfort shopped. In short, I was a textbook case for what NOT to do. The only thing I can say is I survived - worse for wear, but I survived. My kids didn't suffer at the hands of my craziness - I managed to keep my job.

Now, I think I may be starting to cross over to the other side "Attraversiamo" Liz's word from Eat, Pray, Love. Ok, it's hokey, but I really identify with her. If I've not crossed over, I'm at least preparing for the next steps.....weigh loss surgery, de-cluttering my life and getting rid of the house I've hated for 16 years to move south to place that I choose and a lifestyle that will finally be of my choosing. I will be 50 years old next year - it's about time.

I will write about them here - when I can and I am setting myself the discipline of writing for ME at least once a week. For a long time I looked at writing in my blog as a busman's holiday. You know, when the bus driver goes on vacation, the last thing he wants to do is drive. But now I'm slowly starting to realize that I'm having thoughts that I want to share and for the first time I don't care if they're hokey, I don't care if I'm judged, I just want to get them out. I find that this starts when I read books that excite me. I may not have the fiction bug (yet), but I love the written word.

When was the last time you liked a book so much that you reread it? Not a year later, not 5 years later, but within a month? The first time you cannot put the book down, speeding through to find out what happens (at least that is what I do), yet still feel satisfied by the story? I have a list of books that I reread from time to time for the pure satisfaction of them:
1. The YaYa books,
2. Michael Connelly's Harry Bosch series,
3. Tales of the City,
4. To Kill a Mockingbird,
5. Ernest Hemingway (The Sun Also Rises).
6. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
7. The Daniel Silva Gabriel Allon Series
8. The Basketball Diaries
9. We Were Just Kids ..Patty Smith
10.......and yeah, Eat Pray Love

I think that "the Help" will be added to this list now, too. I initially resisted it because the book jacket mentioned the Oprah book club and I normally avoid those books like the plague. I'm no fan of Sophie Kinsella or other "chick lit" books. They're not poorly written, but just not my preference. The Help however, has a healthy dose of great characters, a storyline that captures you and writing that allows you visualize the story as though you were a fly on the wall. I love that kind book. I know when a book makes my "reread" list when it makes me want to tell a story, maybe my story, too.

Hopefully heading home

I wrapped up several days worth of meetings in Barcelona - still sick, but got to see the Gaudi Cathedral, stroll a little along the Diagonal, but then headed back to the hotel to sleep it off. I'm headed home tomorrow, if weather in Frankfurt works with me. Will post pictures when I return.

What will 2011 hold for you?

I've been thinking quite a bit about the next chapter of my life. I have a job that I do enjoy and with luck I'll be doing this for a while (even though it burns you to the ground at times), but it doesn't stop me from thinking about the quality of my life going forward. If I did nothing, I'd blessed to say I have great quality of life, however, it's really the fact that I have the means to keep the wheels running without having to sell of children, possessions or pets.

What I'm really thinking about is what will I DO in 2011 to enrich my life and those of others around me? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna lose weight middle age and sedintary living has put me over the last five years (with help). I've been folding healthier eating in for the last six months so that helps....but all of that is prescriptive for physical health (no small task - still grimmacing in the mirror in the morning, mind you).


I'm talking more about spiritual, emotional and FUN for 2011. We've all been carrying the rock in one way or another. I'm thinking that there are graces in life that in all of our speed we have just dropped like hot potatoes. It's been nagging at the back of my mind for some time now, but I think it may just be time to start doing something about it. It may be faintly hipster for an old girl like me, but I want to get my hands into more of my life - you know?

Some ideas that I'm tossing out -

* letter writing on honest to God stationary (and not that cutey preppy shit) with a group of friends that I know would like to argue and discuss various subjects (Yes, Carl, I plan on tapping you)
* learning to do something that has no technology involved (think about it - everyting does today)
* guitar
* Language or Landscaping (I'm open)
* getting my friends off their asses to do museum runs or theater or something of that nature...it's time to embrace our early tour guides..............

We've all been working so much without time for ourselves....and time is passing too quickly.

From The Annals Of Chutzpah - The Daily Dish | By Andrew Sullivan

From The Annals Of Chutzpah - The Daily Dish | By Andrew Sullivan


Ok, this made me shake my head - I think I need to go lay down...

Anyone still there?

Yes, I fell off the face of the earth - fell flat on my face a few times (literally)...fell into traveling way too much (mucho mileage), fell out of a relationship and trying to manage a few kick you in the gut health issues, so I just went MIA...testing to see if I want to come back. There is much changing in my life, and wondering if this outlet is still pertinent for me.

Never First to the Table…..

What are your harmless obsessions?  I have so many, I wonder if it’s possible to count them.  If if it’s something I want on a regular basis, I count it as an obsession.  If I’m the only one that is affected by it, then to me, it’s harmless.  Today, I indulged in a few. I’ve been slaving over a white paper and while I know what I want to say, getting it out has been akin to having teeth pulled without Novocain.   When that is the case, I do indulge.  Now, in the past, the indulgence would have including a chicken wing or 10, but I’m trying not to go down that route.   Today, it’s much more mundane and just a wee bit healthier, but definitely not cooler.  

I was at the epitome of cool when I shut down on television.  Seriously,  I had the toys, but the only TV I watched were old movies – I had TCM, Retroplex and Netflix on speed channel selection and web selection.  Other than perhaps MSNBC or looking for school closings, the only current TV I watched was the Daily Show with the kids.  

Then…my downfall. I spent the the Thanksgiving holiday with my big sister and in the process got HOOKED on NCIS…..a show that I laughed at before. Now – I can’t stay away.   I love this show – watch the reruns and won’t move on a Tuesday night.   I wish I had done this when the thing first came on, so that I could be over it by now.     The only really unhealthy thing that still accompanies this is that I really like a Gimlet while I watch it…..